One day some time ago I was chasing my very active son in a school yard waiting to pick up my daughter.  Another Mom was sitting in her vehicle leisurely perusing a magazine and she put down her window and exclaimed, “You should be as thin as a rail chasing him all day!”  Translation:  You are not thin.  Further extrapolation:  You are fat.  Like when Donald Trump says, “You’re fired!” with the emphasis on fired.  You’re fired.  You’re fat.  It was an insult wrapped in, well, another insult.  From a total stranger.  Sometimes offenders are clever enough to veil the insult in a glossy fake compliment. Not this time.

In this case, I didn’t have time to reply.  Nor really the desire.  I am not a confrontational person to begin with.  But I am not a pushover either.  In another lifetime, sitting around and volleying insults with this stranger might be a good time, but in this one, I am trying to enjoy myself!  And frankly, I am too busy.  My father always advises, “In one ear and out the other”.  But I reply, “Ahhhh, Dad, my brain is between my ears.”

I logically know that “Thin as a rail” is just an expression.  I also want to believe this unknown observer was just saying something and it probably wasn’t meant in malice.  I want to believe that.  She wanted to make a connection with me and chose the wrong words.  It should be no big deal.  No pun intended.  But maybe not.  You never quite know what someone’s motivation is, right?  And a year or so later, here I am talking about it.  I guess the message to all humanoids (especially our children) is we had better be careful how we choose our words.  Just saying…..ciao for now….

My son certainly sees my appendages as “thin as a rail”!

So my daughter is on a nutrition kick.  Most of the nation is fighting an obesity crisis and I am trying to provide a balanced diet for my daughter.  Go figure!  I am glad she is health conscious.  That is wonderful.  But she is becoming a real stickler on sticking to the food pyramid.  Who showed her that darn pyramid anyway?  Some well meaning physical education teacher?  Who can ever really eat that well?  Isn’t that what vitamins are for?    “Is rice a grain?”  she will ask.  “Sure it is”, I reply.  What I want to ask is, “Can veggie chips serve as your vegetable today? Is that on the pyramid?”  Don’t get me wrong, I stock the house with healthy food.  Mostly.  I love a banana or a yogurt for a snack.  But I will also eat a bowl of ice cream with chocolate sauce.  Or two.  Bowls, that is!  Who’s counting? Certainly not me!  But now my daughter is.  Isn’t that the dairy part of the pyramid?  Ice cream.  Yes, it should be there.  They forgot the icon.

The kicker was dinner out the other day.  It was the early bird special.  Yes, I said early bird.  This may be one of the reasons I am single.  My inability or disinterest in vacuuming under my couch could be the other one but talk amongst yourselves.  Back to the early bird.  Two of us were entitled to dessert.  Only one of us wanted it.  Um, that would be me!  Neither of my children wanted dessert either.  I thought I would gasp.  The waitress said, “How about I bring both desserts and extra spoons and everyone can try a little?”  Great solution.  Two desserts later and another reference to the pyramid and I have just about had it.  Who said buy the shoes?  Eat the cookie?  What is that health teacher’s name?  I need to file a complaint!  There is no guilt in two desserts!

Who could pass on the lava cake?