Say it to my face, please

I don’t like gossip, internet trolls or people who are quick to talk about you behind your back. Who does, right? They would never have the courage to say the insult to your face but they can’t wait to share it with another.

Two times people have told me that I wear too much make-up (that I know of) but it was not to my fully made-up (apparently, clown-faced) face! It was information relayed by a third party. The go-between did not say it maliciously to me; just relaying what they perhaps considered benign information. Frankly, I think the people who said it originally would do well to wear some make-up. Beauty products are a huge industry for a reason.

Several times someone has said that someone else said they wouldn’t trust me around their husband? Why? Because I am single? I am single for a reason. I want to be. The response from the coy third party was, “Well, you are attractive and/or funny and/or smart.” Oh, really. Thank you for the compliment wrapped in an insult like a corndog. Newsflash: I don’t want your husband(s). Heck, you don’t even want him. Why would I?

Recently, a third party told me someone was mad at me. Again, not meant to be malicious but relaying information. This is a person who I am well aware is mad at me and it is mutual. I tell people to their face how I feel and they never hear from me again. Only a coward goes behind someone’s back or hides behind a keyboard and attacks another person. Say it to my face or cork it, zip it, button it, cool it, plug it, close it, clamp it, or put a sock in it with your big, fat foot that also belongs in your big, fat, malicious mouth! Anyone else have this happen to them? Let me know. Oh, and if any companies are looking for a “mature” woman (I use that word loosely) to promote their make-up line, I am always up for a paid sponsorship! Until next time, keep calm and keep it to yourself! xo

Say it to my day time make-up face. Or say it to my night out one!

It’s nothing personal…..sure, it isn’t……

How many times has someone offended you and then said “It’s nothing personal.”  Okay.  “Don’t take it personally” is a famous disclaimer from social offenders.  They begin by telling you that you are not good at something and then add, “but please don’t take this personally.” As if plugging in the word please makes it conventionally acceptable.  So should I pretend you just insulted someone other than me?  Or is your criticism so important that I should feel honored to be given such negative feedback by someone who feels so magnanimous?

No relationship is immune to this phenomenon.  It is the mother-in-law who claims you should not have more children after you announce a pregnancy; the parent at your child’s school that tells you your daughter should not play a particular sport that she is passionate about; the boss who bluntly states during your performance review, “You are not good at this job but don’t take it personally.”

If you ask me, everything is personal.  If you are saying it about me or my family or one of my friends, it is personal.  Some people try to justify what they say but let’s face it, it is what it is.  And it’s downright rude.

If you google the expression, “It’s nothing personal” you get some interesting material.  The urban dictionary has an excellent definition of this expression that is too raunchy for my readers, but it essentially says this line is a lie told to a person before they pull the proverbial wool over your eyes, shall we say.  There is also an album entitled ‘It’s Nothing Personal’ from a metal band called ‘Bury Your Dead’.  Hmmm.  That sounds about right.

After polling my readers and friends about this topic, I learned that just about everyone has been offended at one time or another, the offender is typically a repeat offender, the victim of the verbal abuse is usually rendered speechless, and people take it very personally when the slam is about their children.  Those are nasty waters that no one should enter without a life preserver (preferably made of armor).

The upside to all of this is that the offender usually ends up eating his or her words as the recipient of the slander moves on in life successfully.  So, for example, the very capable expectant mother I mentioned earlier ended up with twins to add to her happy family, the young female athlete went on to win a national championship and the employee who received the bad review accepted a better position within a larger company.

The real lesson here is whatever communication you have with a friend, a co-worker or any other humanoid is personal.  Sadly, the negative comments stay with a person even if they have no respect for the person who said it.

Obviously, if someone asks for your opinion, you should give a fair, kind and helpful assessment.  However, if you feel it is your place to critique someone’s appearance, parenting skills or life choices, for example, with uninvited comments, think again.  Remember the old adage from Bambi, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”  This is good advice but I prefer the updated version, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, then chances are you don’t know them well enough to say anything bad.”  So to all the inept masters of the verbal blunder and you know who you are – the general consensus is we don’t want to hear your rude comments and we don’t respect your opinion.  And yes, that is personal!