In the spirit of being totally different, I am creating a blog this week on things I am actually not grateful for. I mean, why not? Everyone else is doing gratitude lists and stating the obvious, so I am going to give you the things I could live without. Take small talk, for example. It’s November. It’s New England. How many people greet you with the expression, “Boy, it’s cold out, huh?” “Yup, it’s cold.” That is fascinating conversation. Where do we go from here? It’s like when people talk about the rain and one person adds, “But we need the rain.” My daughter inserts the comment “Lame” as I read this aloud. Evidently that refers to me. Or the topic or who knows what? The middle school quips of “Lame” “Boring!” “Duh” and “Whatever” are also things that, shall we say, are grating on my nerves a bit.
I can do without the tooth pain I have had for the past few weeks. I am really tired of cleaning the bathroom. I don’t like cleaning any raw meat at all. I almost get a gag reflux while doing so. Weird, but true. I am not kidding. I am not grateful for spiders. I know they have a role, blah, blah, blah. But they are sneaky and creepy and I am the chief arachnid officer so I don’t really care for them. It’s just one more bogus chore for me to deal with. As you can see, I still like the word ‘bogus’ and I feel it still has merit.
I am not grateful for how many people suggest I get a crock pot. I think I have made it fairly clear that cooking is not a passion of mine. If I have an extra $80 bucks I would rather buy a shirt, tickets to a show, something fun. I also dislike when people recite a recipe to me – whether spoken or written down. I am only interested in sampling it. Trust me. I am not making new recipes or keeping a decorative recipe box by my stove. I will tell you, I am eternally happy for my family, my friends, good food, good health, intelligence, a sense of humor, lavender fields, holiday Oreo cookies and oh, Pinterest. Pinterest is my next topic, people. Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before? On a more serious note, we should reflect on the famous words of the late President John F. Kennedy, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving. And eat two pieces of pie! It is Thanksgiving! You are supposed to overindulge!