Do your best, hope for the best

The title of this piece may be the most powerful and succinct parenting advice that I have ever heard and it came from my own mother.  And it wasn’t directed at me (for a change).  I don’t have to ask her for advice; she gives it freely and without solicitation!  It is usually correct, but some days I don’t want to hear it frankly.   However, a friend of mine who is also a parent asked my mother the other day, “What is your parenting advice?”  Without skipping a beat, she said rather matter-of-factly, “Just do your best and hope for the best.  That is all you can do.”

Now, my mother is 76 years old and has always been a wise woman, but this quick and casual answer made me think twice about all the advice she has given me over the years as a child, young adult and now as a parent of my own children. And I ask myself, ‘What did I miss because I wasn’t listening fully?’  My Mom and Dad are always the first people I go to with a question or crisis about parenting or life in general, for that matter.  For example, one night when I thought my son might be headed toward having a seizure (it turned out to be a night terror but the terror was all mine, trust me!), after I called 911, I called my mother.  She was there at the same time as the EMTs, maybe even before them!  That’s just the type of dedication both my parents and my sister have had for me and my children. That is a blessing beyond belief.

Anyway, I felt it important to pass this along to my readers because it is such simple, positive advice.  I recognize that some issues and problems with children require research, attention, specialists or what have you.  However, once the work is done (which really is the parent doing their homework and doing their best), then you have to sit back and hope for the best.  The movie ‘Shawshank Redemption’ had a line by Morgan Freeman where he uttered, “Hope is a dangerous word.”  The movie, if you have seen it, of course has nothing to do with parenting but it is a powerful line delivered by an equally powerful actor.  When it comes to parenting, however, there is love, patience, courage and yes indeed, hope.  Thank you Mom for always knowing the right thing to say and caring enough to say it.

My Mom

Awww

I have mentioned a few times here how my middle schooler has all types of expressions but one that is currently taking the prize for most annoying is “Awww”.  It started out as her sarcastic reaction to anything I mentioned that deserved a slight bit of emotion.   So, for example, I could say, “I cannot believe I forget to turn in this form.”  She would get that sly look, raise her eyebrows and I would think, maybe, just maybe, there will be a new comment.  There would be a delay…..then, “Awww” would arrive.

Then it escalated.  “Awww” started to be the automatic response to any question or comment from me.  I could say, “You may need a new school folder.  Your folder looks worn out.”  She would wait.  I wouldn’t see it coming.  Then, “Awww.  My folder looks worn out.”  She would smile and I would cringe internally.  “Really? Is this a conversation?” I would ask, trying to conceal how angry I was becoming over something so silly.  She would see my dismay and then it was, “Awww”.   Again.  An “Awww” on top of an “Awww.”  I started to wonder if she was losing her ability to communicate.  What if some bizarre “Awww” martians visited her middle school and implanted “Awww” chips in her brain.  Every time she would use it, I would try to be clever.  Fight fire with fire.  I would say, “So did they serve a side of sarcasm with your school lunch today?”  Awww.   Nothing worked.  There seemed to be no cure.

“You are not using this with other people, are you?”  “Awww.  Yes, I am.”  “Who, your friends?  Nana and Grampy?”  “Sure, with everyone.”  Why haven’t my parents mentioned it?  Do they not notice it?  Do they think it is cute?  Then it happened to me.  Someone at work mentioned how overwhelmed they were and in my mind I heard, “Awww.”  I think I said, “Hmmmm” or “Oh, I know”.  I hope it sounded sympathetic.  But my brain kept shouting, “Awww.”  Louder and louder.  I wanted to say it.  Oh no, it’s contagious.  You may leave this blog post and instead of a genuine reaction, you may be compelled to utter a sarcastic “Awww.”  I certainly hope not.  Please let me know…….because……Awww.  That would be terrible!

My daughter and I when she was 5......Awww, miss those days!  But loving every stage of her life!

My daughter and I when she was 5……Awww, miss those days! But loving every stage of her life!

 

 

Let’s begin at the beginning

I used to work with someone who would constantly say to a client upon meeting them, “Let’s begin at the beginning”.  This would set the stage for how the company could help them and so on.  Truth be told, it got on my nerves.  Not like the sound of flip flops do but pretty close.  Maybe because she said it too often?  Maybe her voice was a shade too loud?  It doesn’t matter.  Then one day I got to thinking….begin at the beginning.  Our parents are the beginning for all of us.  My parents are my beginning.  Without them, I don’t exist.  Nor does my sister.  Or our family that continues the generations.  The past.  The future.  I know.  You get it already!

My parents are celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary this week.  I get teary eyed thinking of that statistic.  What an accomplishment.  How did they do it?  Commitment.  Love.  Loyalty.   All of these things and more?  When I think about my parent’s relationship it just seems easy and natural.  My father always lets my Mom be her own person and my mother does the same.  Well, mostly.  (Just kidding Mom!)  They are a united front.  Solid.  And they will both say marriage is hard work but I never really saw that.  Of course, I was a kid so my radar was hardly on work, right?  Or anyone else for that matter!

Anyway, I know we always talk about being proud of our children.  But we can also be proud of our parents.  As strict as my upbringing was at times, I am proud of the way my parents raised my sister and I.  They did so with consistency, values, humor (although not nearly enough!) and a blend of ‘Semper Fi’ that my Dad mixed in and the three ladies in his life just bought into.    My parents have always been faithful and respectful to one another and to their family.  And that respect just spreads to all areas of one’s life.  If you have parents like this or one parent like this or a person in your life who provides love, leadership and security, be thankful every day.  These are the true gifts.  Enjoy them.  Embrace them.  And pass them on to others.

My Mom and Dad on their wedding day.  So cool...51 years ago...

My Mom and Dad on their wedding day. So cool…51 years ago…